Unwanted and Insignificant

I am unloved, unwanted and insignificant.

How many of us have felt this way at least once in our lives? If we’re honest, each and every one of us.

I hear these sentiments mostly from unmarried men and women of all ages. There’s something about the need to belong to and feel wanted by another person of significance that can either make us or break us. Someone to fall asleep with and wake up to. Someone who knows us inside and out. Someone to share in the ups and downs of life.

Having been single for most of my adult years, I knew these feelings well. Thankfully, they would come and go, but when they came, something needed to be done. With all of the people in my world who cared for me, why should I let the desire for one more, the one, ruin my otherwise peaceful, content world? I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t wallow in my loneliness. Trust me, a wallowing me is not a pretty sight.

I have one simple message for those experiencing that unloved feeling.

You are loved, wanted and of utmost significance to the One who gave Himself as a living sacrifice for each and every one of us.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life”. John 3:16

Why is it, all Christians, and even most non-believers, can quote this verse yet still do not fully believe it’s message?

Humor me for a moment. Re-read the verse, (altered a tad for emphasis) but where you see a blank, please place in your name.

For God so loved ________, that He gave His only begotten Son, that when ________ believes in Him he/she shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Does that somehow bring it home for you? I hope so.

The King of Kings and Lord of Lords WILLINGLY GAVE UP HIS LIFE as a living sacrifice for each and every one of us!

If that doesn’t make a person feel loved beyond measure, I don’t know what does.

During one of my darkest, loneliest times is when I finally buried this truth deep in my heart and I’m so very thankful it’s never left.

Like many of you, I had known this truth for a very long time, yet didn’t fully understand just how personal and intimate it was.

I found myself alone, very alone, after a cross country move. What could go wrong, had done so.

I had a friend near by, but didn’t want to burden her with my troubles since she had plenty of her own. I have many long distance friends and family, but the longing for human contact was immense. It’s difficult times like these that contribute to the single person longing for a partner. Que the negative, why am I not worthy, internal dialogue.

All of the negativity you can imagine came flooding in like a torrential downpour. I second guessed my decisions. I second guessed God and whether I really was following His plan. Yep, I had my own personal pity party.

But then I was reminded I wasn’t actually alone. I had allowed self pity in my circumstances to over shadow the presence of God. He was there all along and probably having Himself a gut buster of a laugh (yes, I’m sure God laughs at and with us quite often) over my silly pity party. After all, He knew the outcome.

After realizing my pity party needed to come to an abrupt close, I simply sat, meditated and prayed. I asked the peace of God to overwhelm my heart and it did.  Even as I write those words, and it did, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace and relief. It wasn’t instantaneous, but over the course of a few days of taking 30 minutes or so each day to sit, meditate and pray, my heart was at peace. Truly at peace.

So what changed? Me…My heart…. My thoughts.

I put God back at the front of my thoughts where He belonged. My discontent began taking a back seat to wanting to understand more of what the Lord of my life wanted me to learn through this troubled time.

It actually took a few months for the pity party issue to resolve itself. But realizing and remembering daily how God was in the midst of it, gave me peace. I really do believe our heavenly Father will allow discomfort in our lives to remind us of our need for His constant presence and desire for our obedience.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

From the outside looking in, I had plenty to have a pity party over. And yet, as Philippians 4:7 tells us, the peace of God did indeed, and has so many times, guarded my heart and mind.

My biggest and best life lesson from that difficult journey was, and still is, more profound than anything else I learned in my many years as a single person.

Since it was during difficult moments that always bought about my desire for male companionship, God wanted me to realize He was, and always will be, the number one Man in my life. Had a companion been involved, I would have leaned on him, rather than Him.

I am so very thankful I did not have a man in my life during that season of trial and error. Being so very alone led me to a spiritual journey I will never forget.

Even now, as a happily married woman, I am reminded often of my heavenly Fathers’ desire for me to spend time with Him before bringing my concerns to my husband, family or friends. Married or single, male or female, God wants to be our number one “go to” guy.

Most gracious Heavenly Father, thank You, thank You, thank You for loving us so very much! Thank You for Jesus! Thank You for wanting to be our number one companion always and forever. Please help us to always know the truth of Your constant companionship and ever present help in times of loneliness or trouble. In the matchless name of Jesus, our Lord, Savior and Friend, amen.

In His embrace,










Thank you for sharing, liking and as always for your thoughts.

6 comments to Unwanted and Insignificant

  • Nancy Yoshida  says:

    Beautifully written Toni. Thanks for reminding me I need to go to God first with my prayers and concerns. I know that way he will prepare my husbands heart to give me good support and advice.
    Love you dear friend.

    • Toni  says:

      Yes indeed my friend! Thank you for sharing your heart on this. Yes, I too, believe the Lord will give our husbands the words of wisdom we need to hear once we’ve gone to Him first.
      And, for the unmarried, the Lord will give words of wisdom to whomever we trust as we go to Him with our needs.

      You, my friend, are a treasure!

  • Tabatha Reber  says:

    Awesome Toni! Just awesome! One question though…when is your daily devotional book coming out because I want to be the first to purchase it 🙂 ???? Seriously though, I think you should write one!

    • Toni  says:

      Oh Tabi, you bless me with your words of encouragement so much more than you know! I only wish I had the time to write more. Writing and sharing words of hope and encouragement with others is what I am so very passionate about. Maybe one day, the Lord will set me on more of that journey.

      God bless you and your precious family!

  • Brooke Hamstra  says:

    Toni, thank you for sharing your personal journey with us! I know I too have fallen into my own self pity party from time to time. It is so easy to stay there when the negative is all you “chose” to focus on. When we turn our focus to God and take time to meditate and open our ears to what He is speaking to us we can find true peace in our relationship with Him we can overcome any obstacle that life throws our way (and we know it will continue to do so)! Thank you my dear friend for this reminder! Love you so much! Blessings to you 🙂

    • Toni  says:

      Brooke, you bless my heart. One of the greatest parts of fellowship with others who love the Lord and do their best to follow His lead, is learning to be open to honest expression, whether faults, failures or pure joy.
      You, my friend, have one of the most beautiful hearts God ever created.

      God bless you and your beautiful family!

      Love you!!

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